a daily scoop of my life
Saturday, January 10, 2004
question of the month:

this question is popped out based on my curiousity, please post your comments. :)
shit, i /am/ old
never realized how i've been aging (rada hiperbol sih, kesannya kalo aging tu gue udah keriput2 gitu... *to emil, don't say a word!)... yesterday my band performed at News Cafe - Kemang, it was Chrysta's birthday. apparently she's my highchool junior, celebrating her 17th birthday. i got there and found A LOT of familiar faces, in which they started to say "kak ndari, manggung ya nanti?" "kak ndari, apa kabar?" "malem, kak!". my God!! now i feel like i'm SOOOOO old. not to mention how didit, ryan, boy, & dimas wouldn't stop teasing me about it.

but really, looked at them having a party at that cafe, reminds me of my highschool years. going to one cafe to another, to each of my friend's birthday party. *sigh* wow, it's been 2 years now, duhhh... kapan gue lulus kuliah yaaahhh... (lha, ga nyambung?)

np: measureXmeasure - Somewhere Over the Rainbow

one step further
my band got an offer to play in Bandung (watch out, tenshi & isman! here i come! heheh), although it still depends whether they'd approve our proposal or if they wouldn't. here 's a sample of our song: Stay Away - a song by L'Arc~en~Ciel, ah yes.. maybe i should explain a bit. my band's name is Jetto, coming from the word "Jet", don't ask why this name was taken. i joined 2 years after it was formed. anyway, we play L'Arc~en~Ciel 's songs, as perfect as we could. and not that i'm bragging, but really.. this is a great band! i've been in several bands all my life, but never been as serious as this, and never been as proud. so far we've been performing in hmm.. what's "PEN-SI" in english? yup in those, prom nights, friends' birthdays, and japan-culture festivals. so far in the jakarta j-community, we've been known as the only band who specializes in L'Arc~en~Ciel.

btw, itu sample-nya mohon maaf kalo bass-nya aga pelan. itu versi pertama dari masternya, emang blon dirapiin lagi.

so excited with this Bandung plan thingie! going another step further...

np: Stevie Wonder - You Are The Sunshine of My Life

how it's simply difficult to be confident of myself
i'm basically a very confident person, when it comes to things that have /nothing/ to do with my physical appearance. dan itu udah perubahan besar banget, baru mulai se-PD ini ya sejak SMA. ga tau yah, mungkin kebanyakan bergaul ama temen2 ga beres, yang ga punya urat malu semua, jadi akhirnya nular. hahahaha anyway, when it comes to my physical appearance, i'm just so /not/ confident. (points at the previous post below). you see, 1) since i was small, everyone kept saying that i have a dark skin, and i still see myself as a dark-skinned person till now. and you know how all the commercials kept selling whitening-products, plus most guys i've known so far always put "white-skinned" criteria when they're searching for a girlfriend. this shows what? this shows that dark-skinned women don't seem to be quite preferable (hehehe... gue ekstrim banget ga sih..). 2) my figure doesn't define the word "thin", that's one thing for sure. i weigh somewhere around 110 pounds, realize very well that i need to lose at least 8 pounds to look nice enough. 3) i hate my zits!!! just hate it when they start to show up everytime i'm on period. 4) i'm not one of those gentle women, i'm more like "i talk whenever i want to talk, whatever i want to talk about, and i talk /loud/".

duh.. kayaknya musti ikut terapi2 kepercayaan diri nih... gawat...

np: George Michael - Kissing A Fool (gile.. ketahuan banget ga sih, mood-nya lagi mehe2 gini..)

should we trust our own hearts?
i've had four relationships previously, and is currently going with the fifth. each and everyone one of them were unique with their own characters. i've always been serious with my relationships, because i realize that /my/ point of having a relationship is to get married. i was in the 9th grade when i decided to break up with my first boyfriend, analyzing and concluding that we could never get married for several private reasons. then i broke up with my second boyfriend only after a 3 months relationship, realizing that we were just too different and there's no chance of compromising. however a little bit different case happened when i was with D. we have this basic and very principle reason that would give us no chance of getting married: we have different religions. i broke my own 'policy' by going on with the relationsihp, betting on the 0.0000000000000001% chance that he might be a Moslem in the future. we finally really ended up everything (we've broken up since 6 months before, but still going on the rebounds for the next 6 months) after around 2 years since our relationship. he was already in a relationship that time, while not so long after, i ended my relationship with Mr. Narcist. and now i'm with Mr. Fabulous.

np: Glenn Lewis - Fall Again

back to my question, should we trust our own hearts?

when i was with D, i was /so/ sure that he'd be the person i'm spending the rest of my lifetime with. and look how things ended up. but really, the whole feeling was so real! i really had faith that things would just change, and there would be a chance for both of us to work things out.

and now being with Mr. Fabulous, and again i have that feeling. the feeling of willingness to spend the rest of my lifetime with him. don't take me wrong, 'marriage' is not really what precisely i have in mind. it's just that i know that he's the kind of a person i can rely on all my life, the kind of person that i'm feeling comfortable to be with, with a personality that i luv so much, although physically well hmm... still quite far from my expectations (he's just TOO THIN). and because of these reasons, i'm always happy with the image of me being with him for now & evermore.

but how could these things happened? i mean, do we always have that feeling of wanting to be with someone /everytime/ we fall in luv? if yes, then how do we know if it's real? or is it everytime we have that feeling, it /is/ a real feeling?

np: Fourplay - Someone to Love

why am i here?
sometimes i still regret my decision of being here in the Faculty of Computer Science - UI. this is truly not i want, haven't been enjoying /that/ much. i thought that i'd be taught how to /use/ this program and that program, but instead i'm studying how to /make/ those programs. shit. not to mention several useless and not-related subjects, namely Physics, Calculus, aaaaaaarrrghhh... i wonder if 2 years ago i chose to go to Accounting instead, how i'd become by now.. oh well, i guess this is just my path..

tapi ga enaaaaaaaaakkkk...
well except for the fact that i wouldn't have known Mr. Fabulous if i wasn't accepted here.*grin*

ah mandi aaaaaaaaahh...

current tune


ndari, nday, ojochan, nenek, burung, bursky, birdy, wulan

obsessed with new york city, vin diesel, yoshiki hayashi, having an apartment, and keeping things clean & tidy

describes herself as anal-retentive, a workaholic, a credit-card abuser, a faghag, suffering from light OCD

luv luv luv coffee, cigarettes, bodyCombat, cocktails, chit-chatting, making friends, organizing, working, the idea of decorating her own apartment, shopping

freaks out over talks about marriage and having kids

hates fruits, mushy-spoiled-and-stupid guys, cooking, people who are not being ontime/ nosy/ judgmental/ who burp in public

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