a daily scoop of my life
Monday, October 27, 2003
duh.... lapeeer... @_@

selamat berpuasa, minna-san! obviously, utk yang merayakan lah.. :)

lagi bahagia karena tadi dah nemu partitur Winterfall. precise banget kayak aslinya, tapi 1 problem: TETEP AJA TERNYATA RUMIT. BLE'E.

intan barusan sms ngajakin buka puasa bareng, kayaknya sih anak2 komunitas j-rock yang tinggal di daerah selatan. asik asik asik.. kayaknya bakal seru niy. belakangan cukup dekat dengan si ibu satu ini, seneng juga menemukan teman senasib sebagai satu-satunya female di band masing2, hehe

aduh laper laper laper...

ini aga2 malas sebenernya nungguin si ganteng Adong yang tidak kunjung nongol, padahal kita semua (gue, franky, tiono, iang, jeffry) bergantung semua ama dia utk nganter ke Sudirman. yang lagi gue pusingin adalah rute balik, hadoh.. naek apa yah? :( kalo naek bus, ampe ketauan ama ibu suri dan sang raja yang ada gue digeplak-geplak. kalo naek taksi, wuih.. tekor dah...

Sunday, October 26, 2003
HUAHAHAHAHAHA senaaaaang.... okay, list yg UDAH gue kuasain:
1. Love Flies - L'Arc~en~Ciel
2. Flowers - L'Arc~en~Ciel (ya.. 90% lah, tinggal ngerapiin dikit lagi)
3. Never End - Siam Shade

huehehehehe 7 more to go!
Saturday, October 25, 2003
list-nya nambah 2 lagu lagi, tadi gue lupa tulis:

1. Gravity - Luna Sea --> blon nyari.
2. lagunya Arif buat cw-nya --> chord-nya ga gitu susah, tapi bingung mo improv gemana berhubung blon tau ketukannya. padahal kalo Arif mau, Mr. Fabulous aja suruh ngisi suara keyboard-nya, dijamin bakal jadi keren deh. huu huu... asli gue kepikiran dia mulu deh... gawat.

duh ngantuk.
ohkay, lagu-lagu yang musti gue kulik minggu ini:

1. Never End - Siam Shade --> done! seneng karena gampang, keyboard cuma ngisi pas solonya Boy.
2. Winter Fall - L'Aruku --> HATE IT. susah abisss! ada string, piano, bell, terompet, dan tangan gue cuma 2!!
3. Flowers - L'Aruku --> hmm.. hmm.. almost there.
4. Koko Dewa Nai - Glay --> dulu pernah ngulik, tapi sekarang dah lupa.
5. Yuuwaku - Glay --> blon nyari.
6. Spirit Dreams Inside - L'Aruku --> ga yakin butuh gue deh..
7. Love Flies - L'Aruku --> blon nyari juga.
8. Snow Drop - L'Aruku --> baru dengerin bener2 tu sekali, blon ngeh musti maen di bagian mana aja.

HUEHHH kok banyak beneeeer?!! gila, ini asli kalo harus dah bisa seminggu mah penyiksaan abis-abisan. alamat harus bawa keyboard ke kos lagi dah. hadohhh...
spent about 40 minutes talking with Mr. Fabulous over the phone yesterday. started with all the normal 'basa-basi', asking eachother what one had been doing the whole day, but of course in the end we talked about the whole matter between us. after a long conversation talking about what do we expect from eachother, what do expect from a relationship, we ended up with a question: "what ARE we?". and neither of us can explain what this relationship really is. i came up with the term "gak jelas", while he came up with the term "tetep temen aja". but i did realize that neither really fit to our condition.

basically both of us are willing to try to go on with this, although God knows how this'd end up. all i knew was that now is the time for both of us to get to know eachother a lot better. he's willing to spend more time to be with me, to open up himself more to me, whilst i'm willing to show him that i do care about him. but again, this is still a non-committed relationship. if a really good chemistry would happen, maybe we'll make this relationship to be something official by then. if you're asking why don't we just go up with the idea of being a couple, then our answer would be: we don't really need it at the moment. the term 'my boyfriend' or 'my girlfriend' doesn't really matter anymore to the both of us, although maybe it matters to some people who's been asking me "so are you two together now?". heheh

i told him that one of my worries is that i keep go on with my feelings growing by time, while he doesn't. for example, at this point i realize fully that i'm starting to have the 'care' feeling to him, but i know he hasn't reached there. yet, i hope. well it's my concern that he'll never get there, cause if it happens then this'll be another painful experience for me. *sigh*

however glad to know that both of us are being traumatic because of our previous relationship(s), and that's the whole reason why we keep thinking and analyzing the chance of our relationship to happen. we don't want any of those painful experience to happen ever again, which's simply why now we're being very cautious. it's funny that now i see this relationship (whatever this is) as something very mature and serious. oh please help me God that this'll turn out good. *exhales*

i kinda miss him. wonder what he's been doing now..
Friday, October 24, 2003
darn this stupid Internet Explorer! i spent about 40 minutes catching up with stories about my life since the last time I went to this blog. after all that loooooooooooong writing of mine, guess what.. the IE suddenly hung (hung? hanged?), and I lost all of those writings. >.<

so here we go again.....

making a safety net
my big brother bear, Raya, has always taught me how to make a 'safety net'. what he meant with that term was that i should always show that i'm in the good side, before anything bad could happen. mmm... still hard to understand? i'll give you a case.

Fun Kart Gathering was finally over, and i feel so thrilled since i won't have to deal with Mr. Idiot and his partner anymore. i won't say that it was a success though, cause it wasn't. the competition had a long delay, not only because there weren't enough participants coming to start the competition on time (at 4 PM) but also because of the 1 hour rain that made the circuit went slippery thus couldn't be used for the competition.

i realize very well how people got quite furious (especially those snob celebrities) and bored waiting for the competition to start, but there weren't quite a lot of thing we could do about it. well you should've seen what had been happening inside, how mahda jumped here and there doing his job (and he did a teriffic job!) as the re-registration guy, putri and i who got all panicked with the participants, celebrities, and press coming like a flood, which at the same time Mr. Idiot just strolled around the circuit - saying hi to everyone - then SAT DOWN. man, i could've just lost control of my emotion, and would love to ride one of those go-karts and crash him with it.

but i know i shouldn't.

J-Rock Ganbatte! was the major success. to my surprise, most people coming to the area didn't really come to watch the competition, they were waiting for the bands instead. they went so enthusiastic that they sang along whenever they knew the song. the crowd were willing to wait until the last band played at around 10 PM, then they all went home leaving the event-committee shocked since when the crowd left, there were only about 20 people left on the area.

then the famous Buzz d'Rhtyhm, proudly presented by Mr. Idiot. it was a major..... FAILURE. dunno.. about 35 - 40 people came, but only 2 people paid since the others were on Mr. Idiot & his partner's guest list. so it was like.. (as dwi had said it before), a free clubbing night at Hanggar! yeah! *sarcasm mode on*

as the night got late, i was so exhausted but still managed to push myself to clean the area. with a lot of help from my division plus mahda & hanggi, we managed to clean the bazaar area and pull down all the banners that were put all around the circuit. exhausted? definitely. but it was much better than sitting there and watching that Mr. Idiot smoking, getting all drunk, and went clubbing with his guests!

aarrrghhhhhh, i hate him so much!

i finally got home at 4.30 AM after dropping my friends home. very much tired, and had to wake up 4 hours later to attend the meeting at campus for the "Malam Dasawarsa Fasilkom".

the next day, anggia & i went to our boss's house. we told him that we're resigning, that there's no way for both of us to work with those 2 idiots ever again. then this was the time when i started to make the safety net. i knew that the idiots wouldn't have the guts to talk to my boss after all the things happened on the previous event, so i used that chance to tell my boss all the real facts from my side of the story. how they used the money we had happily with none responsibility whatsoever, how they've been so unprofessional with their job, how they always wanted to do OUR job but kept ruining it, how they always blame us for THEIR faults, so on so forth. gladly my boss admitted that even without us telling him about it, he'd already seen it. *phew*

however, he didn't want us to leave the company. he's willing to separate the both of us from the other two as far as we want it to be, as long as we'd stay. well i've had a long thought about this, and my decision is still the same: i'm leaving. thinking about the fact that i still have to see them every week on our meetings, thinking that i still have to make useless arguments with them since they'd never listen, just make me sick. enough is enough.

enough said.

L ... is for the way you Looked at me..
several things have been going on with my love life, which all these years had always been complicated.

the first one is the thing with D. everytime i read his last sms-es about how carol had already been suspicious about us, i always got that guilty feeling. i knew if i'm in her position, i'd be mad as hell. in the other hand i knew i couldn't let D went away from me. aaarrrghhh! it put me in a lot of headache. kalo kata orang indonesia sih, "headache seven around" alias pusing tujuh keliling.. hahahaha apa sih, ndar? anyway, bayu got kinda mad at me for what D and i've been doing. he told us that we didn't seem to do anything to prevent this relationship from happening. as for myself, i purposedly let myself being the third person in their relationship.

i knew that luving someone is our rights, but when i comes to the fact that our feeling is ruining someone else's relationship, well it's another story. and that's when i knew that this just gotta end.

i'm so sorry, D, i do wish that you'd be happy with her. i really do. lucky her since she has all the chances to be with you. *sigh*

secondly, "Mr. Januari", an old-timer friend back from highschool. lately we got kinda close that he's been calling and sms-ing me quite often, asking me to accompany him to have dinner, and so on. i never considered him more than a friend, cause that's just the way it is all these years.

well things got kinda weird last week.

he picked me up to go to Alztar, a music festival organized by highschool juniors. Glenn was one of the guest stars, and actually was the only gueststar both of us were waiting for. when it came to Glenn's last song, "Januari", suddenly this friend of mine put his arms around my shoulder leaving me in shock. i didn't know what to do. if i pushed his arms away, i thought it'd be just impolite and how it might've hurt his feelings. but if i let his hands there, well it's just plain wrong.

stupid enough that i picked the latter option.

now he's calling me more often. and trust me that i'm not being "GR" about this, but something is definitely going on with his feelings toward me. my close friends had already gave me warnings about this, but i never would listen cause i still trusted my guts that it's just a normal friendship. hoehhhh.... i'm quite confused on what to do. should i just going on with this friends-attitude but when one day he tells me about what he feels then i'd tell him that i don't feel the same way, or should i just avoid him since the first place?

thirdly, Mr. Fabulous. i got interested with this one guy, Mr. Fabulous when i first met him last year by the time both of us helped the graduation event for my faculty. i was the conductor of the choir while he was the.. mmm.... naahhh, i won't tell you about this. let his profile just be a secret. anyway that was the first time i met him, and simply the first time i got kinda interested with him. after that first encounter, we managed to keep in touch with eachother through sms-es and phone calls. turned out that i find him quite attractive since he's such a simple nice guy who has similar interests with mine.

however, there was this one period when he just 'gone'. i didn't hear anything from him, and that was when i started to kinda forget about him.

in the past 2 - 3 weeks, he came back in my life. i saw him performing 3 days ago on one of my faculty's events, and that was the point when i remembered all the reasons why i liked him in the first place. not so long after he finished performing, i told him that i'd like to have a chat outside the building. so i accompanied him to put his laptop back to his car, and had our chat afterwards. i told him i like him, and yes, the 'like' feeling which gives me all those flowery feelings in my heart. he seemed quite shocked with i just told him. i told him that i didn't really care about how he felt, that even if he doesn't have the same feeling like mine, i wouldn't mind at all. i just want him to know about how i feel.

then he told me that he has the same feelings. he liked me since the first time we met. he simply found me "different" than the others. in the end, our chat became one of the best chat ever in my life, hahahaha we confessed so many things about our feelings. we decided not to establish any kind of relationship at the moment since both of us aren't ready for a committed relationship. so instead, we decided just to let everything flow.

this is so different! this is nothing like what i had with Mr. Narcist. i kept hoping for Mr. Fabulous to call and sms, i kept thinking about him all day, unconsciously i kept drawing heart-icons on my books, it was just like the time when i first started to like D!

*sigh* i really hope this'd work well. i'm tired of seeing some new guys, getting to know them, get all disappointed when they turned out not to be a match for me, and so on. this time i'm so glad that even my strict mom is approving on my choice. :)

man, i'm hungry..
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
mencret2 seharian ini, aduhh...ga enak banget. although ternyata gue ga sendirian, si Wadi ama Satria juga dah mencret dari kemaren. Bedanya, mereka mencret (katanya) karena masuk angin setelah ngerokin si Franky ampe jam 3 pagi. Lha gua? Ngerokin siapa2 aja ngga, ko tiba2 jadi diare gini. o_O

Been a tense week, berada di posisi yang kurang menguntungkan among my friends. Yang 1 lagi berantem sama yang laen, 2-2 pihak curhatnya ama gue. Well the good side is gue dalam posisi netral. The bad side is, gue ga tau gemana mo nentuin sikap. Biar kata udah tau siapa yang salah juga, toh gue jatohnya jadi ga punya hak mo sebel ama siapapun, wong itu bukan urusan gue ko. *sigh*

Kuliah sudah mulai menyiksa. Tugas mulai dari Kalkulus 2, programming, Organisasi Sistem Komputer, WUAHHH!! Pengen berenti kuliah kalo lagi gini. Apa semua orang kuliah harus melewati fase-fase gini yah? I mean, ada ga kuliah yang enteng aja, ga susah, tapi dapet IP tinggi gampang?

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ndari, nday, ojochan, nenek, burung, bursky, birdy, wulan

obsessed with new york city, vin diesel, yoshiki hayashi, having an apartment, and keeping things clean & tidy

describes herself as anal-retentive, a workaholic, a credit-card abuser, a faghag, suffering from light OCD

luv luv luv coffee, cigarettes, bodyCombat, cocktails, chit-chatting, making friends, organizing, working, the idea of decorating her own apartment, shopping

freaks out over talks about marriage and having kids

hates fruits, mushy-spoiled-and-stupid guys, cooking, people who are not being ontime/ nosy/ judgmental/ who burp in public

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